Just for Today
by M.E. Vaughan
Summary: Pre-SoT. When Rufus finally breaks down, Zachary finds himself in the awkward position of comforter...But as the situation escalates, Zachary is forced to re-examine just how far he is willing to go, as it becomes clear the comfort Rufus craves might just be more than Zachary can provide...Merchary. Smut. MalexMale. Rated for sexiness & language.


**Hello everyone! So this is it, my first, proper Harmatia Cycle fanfiction! Never thought I'd see the day, but here we are.**

So this is a Merchary (Zachary x Rufus) pairing, and is set in the pre-SoT, prior to Sverrin's death.

**Warning: Graphic Sex &amp; Language. You have been warned.**

**Disclaimer: I DO own the characters, but am not using them in this story for any financial gain. This interpretation is non-canonical, and the events of the work do not reflect the events of the actual book. **

**Enjoy**

**Just-for-Today**

"Merle," Zachary seized Rufus' face, hoisting it up from where Rufus had buried it, collapsed onto his knees on the floor, a quivering mess. "Merle, breathe and calm down." Zachary instructed firmly, and Rufus shook his head, his voice hiccupping.

It had happened very suddenly whilst they were with Master Odin. Rufus had been gaunt and quiet over the last few weeks and it did not take a genius to know the man had suffered some sort of loss, but Zachary had stayed clear of it. Rufus was a private, secretive man, and as long as he could function in his duties without hurting himself and others, Zachary would not intrude unwelcomed into that space.

And then they had been walking through the corridor and come upon some magi and his wife, heavily pregnant now, face flushed beautifully in the fullness of health. Belphegore had paused to congratulate the pair and something of Rufus's strict form had seemed to grow even tauter. His face had drained of colour, his hands had twisted in their sleeves and begun to shake and Zachary had known that Rufus was about to break. The Magi had taken Rufus by the arm and under the short, sharp guise that there was a duty to be done, had dragged his brothering apprentice away. Down through the castle they had reached Zachary's home without incident, though Rufus's footsteps were unsteady and his breathing growing increasingly erratic and fast.

Locking him in the guest bedroom, Zachary had told Heather Benson to keep all the servants away. Rufus had collapsed to the floor, which is where he was now, hyperventilating.

"Calm now." Zachary tried to order again, but Rufus seemed so beyond words, his eyes wide in panic and grief as he ran his hands up into his fringe and tried to rip it out. Zachary held him steady, his hands tight on Rufus' shoulders and he pulled him forward against him, restraining the younger man before he could do himself any harm. Rufus's body was stiff, and he struggled against Zachary for a moment before collapsing forward into the hold, his whole body hitching as the first sob broke out, desperate and choked.

Zachary wasn't quite sure what to do. He had never seen a man cry before, so he thought instead of what he would do if it were one of his sisters, or his servants. _'Better to let him get on with it.'_ He decided, giving Rufus a small, cursory rub along the back, his comfort awkward.

Rufus turned his face into Zachary's neck, and he tried not to jolt as he felt Rufus's nose against the sensitive skin. He wasn't sure he wanted Rufus _that_ close, and yet he didn't push him away, conscious of the hot breath and the feel of Rufus's hair on his cheek. _'This is what you get from holding him.'_ He thought, realising that that was exactly what he was doing, Rufus tangled in a hard embrace. _'It's just because he's trying to breathe, he has no other comfortable way of angling his head.'_

Zachary brushed his hands down Rufus side, and he could feel the ribs there, heaving with sorrow. He thought about how his own fragile body must have looked when he was small, in the days when the fear became too much and he had submitted to the simple act of crying. It made Zachary feel strangely protective. It made Zachary feel strangely responsible.

"I can't…I can't do this…" Rufus was hiccupping, and his voice was high and tight. Zachary heard the defeat in that tone, and before he knew it, he had tangled his hand up into Rufus's hair, strangely worried.

Edwin had taught Zachary a basic form of magic which could be used to run a diagnostic on potentially injured or sickly magi. It was a fairly common technique used in the field, and Zachary found himself drawing on that power now, scanning Rufus.

What he found concerned him. Whilst he had known Rufus had been struggling with his problem, he did not expect the nauseous waves of fatigue, and hunger and pain which radiated from Rufus' skin.

"Athea man, you're exhausted." Zachary muttered, "You need to sleep. Eat."

"Arlen…" Rufus breathed, and his hot breath tickled Zachary's throat in a disturbingly pleasing way. That wasn't the only heat, he could feel Rufus's lips now on the skin and he realised in a panic that Rufus was kissing his neck.

His thought his first instinct would be to throw his arms wide and kick Rufus back, but instead he sat, transfixed by the feel of Rufus's tongue, slowly gliding up the delicate skin, lips peppering the area up with kisses. Slowly Rufus reached a particular spot, just beneath the jaw and the ear and Zachary let out a hiss.

"_For a man who can withstand a whip and a beating without a breath of sound, I've heard you moan like a well-paid whore when someone gets you into bed."_ Béatrice Hathely's words floated into his mind, Marcel's minx of a sister who made it her business to know everybody's business before they did.

'_Oh Haylix, I like this.'_ Arlen thought shamefully as Rufus sucked on the sweet spot, his face still wet with tears. Zachary wasn't sure what Rufus was looking for, be it a comforting fuck or a dangerous distraction, but he was too paralysed between his apprehension and pleasure to interrupt. So he let the younger man continue, trying to keep his own breath even as his heart began to race, excited by the impossibly good feeling of Rufus' mouth. He wondered vaguely what it would feel like to place his own lips against Rufus's, and decided that that was a mystery better left unsolved.

"I'm sorry." Rufus suddenly said and pulled away, his bleary eyes unfocused and face flushed along the cheeks. He sniffed, his fringe sticking up, hands still tangled in Zachary's robe. "Sorry." Rufus repeated, but his voice wavered and drew off as he stared at Zachary.

Zachary cleared his throat. "What do you want?" his voice broke and he tried again, "What do you need, Merle?"

Rufus said something, but it was so soft it got lost. He did not relinquish his grip of Zachary's robes.

"Merle?"

"…I…"

"What is it?"

"Fuck me." Rufus wheezed and Zachary closed his eyes, unsure of whether the unruly shudder that passed through him was one of horror, shock or surprising arousal. He had never seriously considered men, though there had been a vague curiosity every time Marcel and Emeric had disappeared off together. Now however, faced with Rufus, white as he was with his red rimmed eyes, Zachary found himself strangely susceptible to the suggestion. Almost like he'd been put under some incubi spell, the feel of Rufus's lips still on his neck.

"Merle…" he tried to argue.

"Fuck me, please…fuck me. Hard. Hard as you can…I feel…I feel so empty…Oh gods…You don't have to look…You can imagine I'm someone else, anyone else…" Rufus voice broke, and he rocked forward against Zachary, gripping him urgently by the collar, their faces close. "I just….I need…I _need…_"

"I don't know if I can." Zachary admitted, and he realised that he was shaking a little himself now. "Merle this is…this isn't really something I…"

"Please…" Rufus voice hitched dangerously, "Or I might as well not be alive."

"Don't you dare blackmail me." Zachary snarled, and Rufus dropped his head against Zachary's shoulder.

"I'm sorry." He cried, "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry."

Zachary was lost, a mixture of anger, misery and lust coming over him as he tried to juggle the confusing proposition. He decided that if he were going to push Rufus away, he would have done it already. Zachary had an obligation to the man, he _cared_ about him. If this is what Rufus needed, if Rufus wanted to use him then…

Timidly, Zachary turned his head into Rufus's hair and breathed in the unusual scent. Rufus smelt good, like fresh water and scented woodsmoke all at once. Zachary furrowed deeply, oddly entrapped by it and wound his hands up into Rufus's hair. He heard Rufus give a soft groan, and it was deeper than Zachary was used too. The groan of a man.

Zachary liked it.

"Rufus," He called softly, trying to control himself as his body began to react to the feel of Rufus's hands travelling down his back. "You're very tired. You're stricken with grief. Is this what you want? Are you _sure_?"

Rufus didn't answer, but his hands cupped Zachary's backside and tugged their bodies up and sharpely together. Zachary gave an involuntary huff as his semi-arousal brushed against something hard. Zachary was then under no illusions – Rufus wanted it, very badly.

"Haylix's cunt, Merle – what the fuck are you doing to me?" Zachary demanded as his body began to react to Rufus' own. It scared Zachary how quickly he was falling into it, like it had been something he was contemplating for weeks now, rather than minutes. Rufus wasn't human. "Fuck, Rufus stop. Fuck…oh fuck." Zachary pushed Rufus away from him and down onto the floor, sprawled out as Zachary leaned over him. Whatever emotion Rufus's eyes shone with, it wasn't fear or grief anymore. There was a hunger in his face and a great desperation and Zachary began to act without thought.

Seizing Rufus by the thighs he dragged him back toward him, hitching his arse up so that it rubbed against Arlen's groin. "Is this what you want?" he demanded and Rufus buckled his hips, tossing his head to the side, eyes squeezed closed and teeth gritted. He gave a groan as Zachary rocked against him. "I will give it to you." Zachary promised, "if that's what you want. I'll do it. I'll fuck you until you can't feel anything else. If that's what you want, tell me so and I swear by Athea I'll do it Merle. Rufus. I will make it so you can only feel me."

"Yes." Rufus gasped, "Yes, gods please, yes. Only you. Only you."

As if possessed Zachary lurched forward, Rufus giving out a sharp groan as their bodies collided, and Zachary ripped the front of Rufus robes open. He tugged the jerkin apart ferociously, brass buttons flying as Rufus arched up again, happy to let Arlen bunch up his chemise to reach the skin beneath.

Zachary could count Rufus ribs. He was small, too small beneath his layers of clothing, and it filled Zachary with anger. "You're a stupid idiot." He hissed, pressing his mouth against the skin, trailing up along Rufus side. "you're a _stupid idiot._" He repeated, and he reached Rufus nipple and bit it hard. The dark-haired man gave a strangled howl of pleasure, his arse thrust hard against Arlen's groin, erection rubbing into Zachary's naval.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…" Rufus gasped, his face twisted and eyes still closed.

"Shut up." Zachary hissed, still teasing the nipple between his teeth. He had never been with a man, but from all accounts Rufus was reacting well thus far. Zachary would have to see what worked and what didn't. He drove his hips forward again, grunting as his erection rubbed up against his smallclothes, creating an almost uncomfortable friction.

"Zach-Zachary…" Rufus gave a languid moan, "Arlen…"

Zachary shushed him, leaning further up as he furrowed into Rufus's neck, taking in a long drag of his scent. Again it struck Zachary how good Rufus smelt, and he flicked out his tongue to taste his skin. Rufus was hot beneath him, hotter than usual.

'_This is what fire tastes like.'_ He thought to himself, conscious of Rufus's fingers travelling up from where they'd been gripping his robe, to his hair. Rufus fingers knotted up and he gripped Zachary's head with a sudden sureness, tilting his head to the side. Before Zachary knew what was happening, his mouth had been tipped against Rufus's. He had not planned on kissing the man – a sexual act could always be impersonal, but something about a kiss seemed like bearing your soul.

Rufus' lips were surprisingly soft. His breath was warm and mouth powerful as it moved against Zachary, who did not pull away, drawn in deeper by the luxurious sensation. Rufus's kiss felt like the first breath after holding your head under water. It was wrong, and would be heavily frowned upon, but Zachary sank into that embrace, the feel of Rufus's tongue against his making him buckle his hips involuntarily. It felt unreasonably good.

The heat was pooling down into the pit of his stomach now, burning and urgent. He pulled away from Rufus, "Merle…" he gasped, trying to form a cognisant sentence, "Rufus."

"Y-yes?"

"If I'm going to fuck you…" the words felt awkward on his heavy tongue, Rufus pushing up hungrily against him. "I'm not going to do it on the floor."

"I don't care…" Rufus groaned and Zachary clamped his face tightly in one hand.

"_I_ care." Zachary pulled away, and the cold air struck him harder than expected. "Get on the bed. And…" Zachary swallowed, "take of your clothes."

Rufus stared at him, eyes glazed with lust and then dragged himself away, Zachary letting the other man's legs drop so that Rufus could stand, swaying on his feet.

"Are you going to take off yours?" Rufus almost slurred.

"Take them off." Was all Zachary said and Rufus obeyed him, kicking off his shoes and stepping out his trousers and small clothes. His erection stood hard and thick and Zachary eyed it as Rufus sat back onto the bed, watching him expectantly.

Glancing at the door to ensure it was locked, Zachary approached his mind racing as he considered what to do now. He did not much like the idea of stripping down in-front of Rufus,

"Have you done this before?" Rufus asked, and something of his expression seemed to clear. Zachary was very conscious then that Rufus was looking at him as a person, not merely a sexual entity.

"Get on your front."

"Are you going to take your clothes off?"  
"Get on your front." Arlen repeated and Rufus turned around, crawling further onto the bed, his back to Zachary who hesitated, hands shaking and finally removed his own robe. He took off his jerkin and let his trousers drop, but he could not bring himself to remove his chemise. That was one curtain that Rufus had no business in seeing past.

Clambering onto the bed behind Rufus, Zachary was conscious that his once throbbing erection had subdued somewhat from nerves and he wondered a moment if he could go through with it.

Rufus seemed to sense Zachary's unease, for he turned and looked back and then rolled around so that he was facing up. "Can I?" Rufus asked, and he had become strangely polite.

"What?"

Rufus reached up, and Zachary thought he was going to try and remove his chemise. Instead, Rufus gripped Zachary's shoulders and pressed him down against the bed, his grip tight. He then wriggled further down until he was at cock level and Zachary watched as Rufus' tongue flicked out, rubbing against the tip of Zachary's erection. Zachary was ashamed of the groan he gave.

Rufus took him whole, mouth gliding over the erection with a trained ease, even as it grew, stimulated by the heat and the wet feel of Rufus' mouth. Zachary tried to keep his hips trained to the bed, but the sensation was overwhelming. He bit into his hand instead, watching Rufus with a glazed fascination as the younger man suckled on him, head bobbing up and down. Zachary could see that with his other hand, Rufus was pumping himself, fingers tight around his own erection.

Zachary was hard now, his tip brushing against the back of Rufus's throat. Zachary wondered vaguely, amidst his pleasure, how the young man managed to stop himself gagging. He clearly had a great practise.

"I knew you were a deviant…" Zachary tried to regain control of the situation, his voice uneven, "But this…"

Rufus pulled his mouth away with an unruly popping sound, and his lips had swollen, red and wet. Zachary propped himself up and dragged the young man over, reaching up into his black hair and pulling him down. Zachary kissed him abrasively, tasting himself on Rufus's lips as Rufus gave a small sound of desperate pleasure, like there was a great relief.  
It was getting impossibly hot between them, almost uncomfortably so, but as Rufus rolled his hips down against Zachary's, Zachary couldn't bear the thought of pushing him away.

The kiss grew, Zachary dipping his tongue in deeper, his fingers tight in Rufus's hair as he clenched his arse with the other hand.

At one point Rufus pulled away from him, and Zachary watched as the blue eyed man put two of his fingers into his mouth, sucking them. "What are you doing?"

Rufus didn't answer, his eyes closed. He looked like he was almost in pain, his erection rock hard against Arlen's own. Rufus removed his fingers and reached his hand back and Arlen understood.

He caught Rufus hand before it could reach, and he held it still. Rufus stared at him with half-lidded eyes, his mouth parted, cheeks burning red with lust.

"It's alright." Rufus assured, "I can do this."

"Shouldn't I?"

"You don't have to."

"I want to." Zachary realised. He didn't like the angle of Rufus reaching back. It made a lot more sense to let Zachary do it. To let Zachary prepare him. Rufus nodded dumbly.

Summoning power to him, Zachary conjured some water from the air and tracing his finger along the cheek of Rufus' arse. Rufus dropped his head against Zachary's neck and his breath was short and excited. Zachary dipped his finger into the crack and found the tight ring which he gently stroked, circling it. Rufus gave a low groan, his forehead wet with sweat as he bit into Zachary's shoulder. Zachary didn't say a word, holding Rufus tightly by his hair as he pushed his finger against the rim, lubricated now. Rufus said something, but it was lost against his skin as the tip of Arlen's finger pushed in. "Slowly…" Zachary reminded himself, but Rufus pushed up against him and suddenly the entire digit was engulfed. "Athea, Merle! You're going to hurt yourself."

"Another one. Hard." Rufus demanded gruffly. "Please." He added.

"I am not feeding your masochism."

Rufus bit him again, and this time Zachary couldn't repress the pleasured growl that erupted from his chest. From the corner of his eye, he could see Rufus staring up at him, blue eyes almost glowing, heated and intense. "I'm feeding yours."

Zachary pushed another finger through the tight ring of muscle, but despite Rufus' orders he did it slowly. Inside, Rufus was burning hot, and Zachary couldn't think of what it would feel like to push his erection into him. The idea aroused him.

He pumped his fingers in an out, Rufus moaning loudly as he pushed his cock up against Zachary's own, the friction growing between them. Zachary let it continue like this for a while, and then something clicked within him, the heat and passion rising.

Pulling his fingers clear of Rufus, he ignored the unhappy grunt Rufus gave and pushed him away forcefully. Rufus sat up and Zachary seized him by the shoulder and turned him. With a firm hand to the back of his head, Zachary pushed Rufus's face down against the pillow, kneeling above him. With his other hand he lubricated his cock and then pressed it against Rufus.

And then he held still, Rufus bent in-front of him heaving expectantly. Rufus tried to turn his head to look around, but Zachary held him steady.

"You have friends. You have family." Zachary snapped, "Today, I will do this for you…Today I will give you an excuse to forget…But you cannot gorge yourself into oblivion Merle. You cannot drink it, of fuck it, or magic it away…Too much of anything and it will kill you. So today I'll let you forget, but tomorrow you have to face your pain and deal with it. Do you understand?"

"Zachary…" Rufus moaned, trying to rock back into him, desperate now. "Arlen…"

"I said do you understand!?"

"Yes!" Rufus barked, "I understand! Now fuck me, for the love of Athea!"

And Zachary obeyed.

Pushing his erection against the opening, he pressed it in, his teeth set hard into his lip as Rufus's body swallowed him. Rufus didn't make a sound, Zachary stifling his own sound as he pushed all the way in. For a moment neither moved, and then Rufus shifted his hips and Zachary couldn't hold back his groan, releasing Rufus' hair in favour of grabbing his hips. He pushed Rufus away and then pulled him back sharply and Rufus gave out a strangled shout, one hand twisted into the sheets, the other around his erection.

"Good." Was all Rufus said to Zachary's unasked question and Zachary began to push into him, hard and fast.

It was a unique feeling. Not unlike how he had imagined it, during some of his night-time musings, but still different enough to make his head light. Rufus felt like the first taste of a strange new spice – one that acquired a certain getting used to, but was without a doubt delicious.

'_The servants are going to hear us.'_ Zachary thought idly as the noise mounted, Rufus's eager words of encouragement turning into a loose line of syllables as Zachary hit a sensative spot deep inside of the other man. He aimed for it again, enjoying the way Rufus clenched around him. It made it hard to think properly, made it hard to breathe or care and at that moment Zachary truly understood why Rufus had wished to do it. Zachary began to forget things too – forget everything but the heated sensation of pumping into Rufus's body.

"Arlen…Arlen…I'm close." Rufus warned, and Zachary moved faster, wondering who would erupt first. It turned out Rufus was closest, spilling over his hands with a cry as his whole body clenched. Zachary did not relent, enjoying the feel of Rufus orgasm as he reached his own. He buried his face into Rufus's back as he released deep within him, Rufus groaning in pleasure, both of them heaving for air.

Neither moved for a long while, their cocks still twitching before finally Zachary pulled away and Rufus collapsed against the bed, Arlen dropping down next to him.

"Thank you…" Rufus breathed, his voice hoarse. He repeated it over and over.

Zachary didn't say anything, but reaching forward he pulled Rufus across to him almost roughly and held him steady as the man shook. Zachary thought Rufus might cry again, but instead he settled, head on Zachary's arm. When Zachary looked again, his brothering apprentice was fast asleep. The older Magi examined his brother's tired face, his heart still racing.

"Just for today." He told Rufus and reminded himself, shifting closer. "This was just for today."

**Just-for-Today**

**And thanks for reading! I hope that wasn't too cringy for you all…I probably shouldn't pair these two quite as much as I do…  
Anyhoo, please review!  
**


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